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(2006), PG-13 ["HARDCORE" R-13*] (1hr 13min)
With Comparative to Date Movie

Analysis Date
CAP Final Score
CAP Influence Density
January 25, 2007
14 out of 100

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(While the Scriptural references are certainly not subjective, my commentary may be and sometimes is somewhat subjective.)

If Scriptural references appear, the full text appears at the end of the Summary / Commentary.

(2006), PG-13 ["HARDCORE" R-13*] -- You deserve to know...

Cast/Crew Details Courtesy Internet Movie Database
Production (US): New Regency Pictures, Regency Enterprises, Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation
Distribution (US): Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation
Director(s): Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Producer(s): Rodney M. Liber, Paul Schiff
Written by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Cinematography/Camera: Shawn Maurer
Music: Ed Shearmur
Film Editing: Peck Prior
Casting: Amanda Harding, Amanda Koblin
Production Design: William A. Elliott
Art Direction: Daniel A. Lomino
Viewed At: Driftwood Theater 6

Epic Movie  is a vulgar film. This reports speaks to its vulgarity but as politely as possible. If you don't like to read about such, though it is fed to your young teens by the entertainment industry, skip this report and move on to something else. If you do read it, I truly wish I could have gotten it to you much sooner because of what it reveals about Epic Movie. But with the ministry's financial health the way it is, our timeliness is dictated by it.

In the slimy drippings of the February 2006 Date Movie comes Epic Movie, both directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Both films are rated PG-13. Date Movie  earned a CAP final score of 28 out of 100 while Epic Movie  earned a CAP final score of 14 out of 100.

Both Date Movie  and Epic Movie  are "R-13" films since each film earned a score within the range of scores earned by R-rated films in the comparative baseline database (54 and below out of 100) ... with Epic Movie  being in the lower third of that scoring range. Following as a convenience is a scoring data comparative of the two films:

That both films garnered the "PG-13" badge from the MPAA with Epic Movie  so much more dense in ignominy than Date Movie  (see the Influence Density - ID -scores) certainly corroborates the "ratings creep" which Harvard University School of Public Health scientists and this ministry have revealed, this Christian  ministry four years before Harvard and by using the Word of God as our measuring stick. Imagine that!

PG-13 huh? I do not believe there is one fiber of morality left to the MPAA. To imply by the PG-13 badge that exposing such obscenity to our young is acceptable suggests they have little to no concern for the spiritual/moral health of our young. I could be wrong and probably am, but it sure smells like contempt for all that is wholesome. And I believe them to be culprits of stealing childhood from children, second only to Hollywood itself. For example, to the MPAA it is acceptable, implicit by their PG-13 "stamp of approval" whether guarded or not, for your young teens to watch a woman suck a man's finger then see the finger with an "erection." Hey! I didn't write the film, folks. I do NOT like to speak about such filth but the truth must be known ... accurately. You deserve to know what your young teens are getting by the works of the entertainment industry. The finger example is not the worst example but it gets the point across without getting any deeper into the filth.

While many films, even some which are rated R, have some good things to say, in my subjective opinion there is nothing good about Epic Movie. With nine uses of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive (that scene mimicking an R-rated movie), a number of the three/four letter words plus a few other ignominious behaviors in the first few minutes of the show, it strongly suggests the standards of the MPAA are slipping.

Epic Movie  takes a number of cinematic pot shots at popular films and other entertainment entities. The pot shots I noted were of

  • Da Vinci Code
  • Nacho Libre
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • X-Men United
  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
  • Superman Returns
  • Click
  • Casino Royale
  • Batman
  • Talladega Nights
  • Harry Potter
  • Pirates of the Caribbean
  • Star Wars
  • Borat
  • Captain Morgan(tm) rum
  • Gilligan's Island
  • Snakes on a Plane
  • Michael Jackson There are likely others I did not notice.

    The story involves the antics of four main characters in spoofs of popular films, biased around The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe  using the same Narnia names -- Lucy, Susan, Peter, Edmund -- except "Edmund" becomes "Edward." And, according to the half man, half goat Mr. Tumnus (Héctor Jiménez). "Narnia" is changed to "Gnarnia" for license purposes. Still sounding the same but spelled differently.

    Peter appears as the winged Angel wandering the halls of X-Men's Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, except this "angel" has chicken-size wings rather than eagle-sized and this "angel" portrays well the popular meaning of "chicken." What a way to shape children's image of an angel. Little do the filmmakers apparently know that an angel, Michael, battled Satan ... and won [Rev. 12:7] At least the Epic Movie  "angel" does not defy his father as did the X-Men "angel."

    We first see Lucy (Jamaya Mays) in a groping mimic of The Da Vinci Code. Susan (Faune A. Chambers) is introduced on the plane with snakes on it in a spoof which changed the crotch bite of a man by a snake into another crotch activity. Edmund ... er ... Edward (Kal Penn) comes to us as Ignacio in Nacho Libre  with better thespian skills than Jack Black.

    The four characters end up in the Chronicles' wardrobe after fleeing somebody for some reason. Once in the Land of Gnarnia, Mr. Tumnus French-kisses a male beaver while Peter writes in the snow with his urine as the four do battle with the White Witch (Jennifer Coolidge) -- but not spelled "Witch" in this film -- who bares her chest to Edward and murders Albus Dumbledore by sword while Darrell Hammond as Captain Jack Swallows -- a vulgar innuendo itself -- rides his water wheel over a few characters, etc., etc. Before you shake your head in disbelief, if "Swallows" in the name "Jack Swallows", taken from the name "Jack Sparrow" in Pirates of the Caribbean, would have been "Swallow" it would not be an innuendo. But if you don't see the innuendo in "Jack Swallows", wonderful!

    I am not going to spend a lot of time on discussing the plot or story. You can look up subjective reviews on this film as well as anyone else. Besides, I am not a movie critic.

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
    Though many of the matters of violence in Epic Movie  are basted in what some call humor, they are still violence. And humor does not excuse it. A compound break of the forearm. Kidnapping. A bullet piercing an eyeball. Point-blank firing of a gun into a character's chest, repeatedly. Stabbings. A body serving as a pin cushion for arrows. More. [Prov. 16:29]

    Impudence/Hate (I)
    Forty-three uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary in 113 minutes plus  profanity in background songs. [Col. 3:8] Urination, repeatedly. Several threats to kill. Flatulence. More. [Eph. 5:4] Indeed, Eph. 5:4 regarding "obscenity" and "coarse joking" is applicable to nearly every behavior demonstrated in the film.

    Sexual Immorality (S)
    To even summarize the sexually immoral content of this film would take a page or two. I will try to condense it to a workable length as I have done in the rest of the investigation area discussions. Dressing to maximize the human form and/or skin exposure ... repeatedly. Anatomical vulgarities. Nudity. The finger sucking with the finger appearing to have an "erection" noted above. A man and a woman in bed making out. After-intercouse imagery. Anatomical exaggerations. More. Much more. [Prov. 30:20, Mark 7:21, Rev. 21:8, Gal. 5:19, 1Ths. 4:1-5, 1 John 2:26, Hebr. 13:4, Jude 1:4, 1Cor. 6:9-10, 1Cor. 6:18, many more]

    Drugs/Alcohol (D)
    Booze. Smoking. Drinking and chugging. Drunkenness. All are present. Repeatedly, except smoking which was noted only once. The drinking and drunkenness are of significant danger in this film suggested by the MPAA as being fit for the middle school age stratum. A study by the American College of Physicians (ACP) revealed that adolescent exposure to drinking and smoking in entertainment leads to an undeniable increase in alcohol abuse among underage kids. The finding entitled Relation Between Parental Restrictions on Movies and Adolescent Use of Tobacco and Alcohol reports that of 4544 youths from grades 5 through 8 of fifteen Vermont and New Hampshire middle schools (90% were under fourteen years old) only 16% were completely restricted from viewing R-rated movies.

    The study selected R-rated movies because the study claimed R-rated movies typically present more drinking than movies of other classifications. This assumption is no longer true The researchers were not aware of the matter of "R-13" proven not only by this ministry but Harvard University School of Public Health scientists though Harvard's finding was made a full four years after ours. Whether a movie is rated R, the focus is the influence of adolescent exposure to drinking (and smoking) in and as entertainment regardless of the MPAA classification. Besides, Epic Movie  is fully equivalent to most R-rated films and contains more cavalier drinking and drunkenness than most of the R-rated films we have analyzed.

    Within the ACP study population, the prevalence of having tried alcohol without parental knowledge was

  • 46% for those with no restrictions
  • 16% for those with partial restrictions
  • four percent for those with complete restrictions.
  • Rather revealing of the influences of the entertainment industry wouldn't you say? And influencing children to sin with drink in and as entertainment screams of violating Luke 17:2.
  • If alcoholic beverages in entertainment were not a problem for our young, why is there and why has there been such a push to get and keep booze commercials off prime time broadcast TV? Even the University of Connecticut corroborates the ACP finding. [Eph. 5:18]
  • Offense to God (O)
  • Deuteronomy 5:11 was violated many times with the use of God's name in vain with and without the four letter expletive. But in addition to this, an upside down Cross (or Southern Cross - see Back to School Special was worn by one of the characters. Also, Lucy used unholy magic to control and do harm to others. Those who practice the magical arts who are not forgiven of doing so are doomed by Revelation 22:14-15.
  • Murder/Suicide (M)
  • Everyone who was "murdered" except one -- Albus Dumbledore -- was seen again in the film. However, in real life any one who performs the killing deeds in this film would find that the victim would not walk again. [3 John 11]


    If needed to focus or fortify, applicable text is underlined or bracketed [ ] or bold. If you wish to have full context available, the Blue Letter Bible is a convenient source. If you use the Blue Letter Bible, a new window will open. Close it to return here or use "Window" in your browser's menu bar to alternate between the CAP page and the Blue Letter Bible page.


  • Rev. 12:7 - 8 And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he [the dragon - Satan] was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven.
  • Prov. 16:29 A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good. [The issue is the violence. "A violent man" can be a man, woman OR the men/women/character demonstrating the violent behavior/action on the screen. Now you know why violence, especially in and as entertainment, can embolden the viewer into aggression, especially youth. See also Joint Statement on the Impact of Entertainment Violence on Children Congressional Public Health Summit. Further, God speaks darkly of violence 56 times in the Old and New Testament of the KJV. And see 1 Cor. 15:33 below.]
  • Col. 3:8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander (injurious speech), and filthy language [aischrologia: foul speaking, low and obscene speech] from your lips.
  • Eph. 5:4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
  • Prov. 30:20 "This is the way of an adulteress [or adulterer]: S/he eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong.'" [Though this verse uses "adulteress" to make its point, the heart of the matter is the arrogance of "What's the big deal!" defense of sexual immorality.]
  • Mark 7:21 For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, ...
  • Rev. 21:8 But the [unforgiven] fearful [cowardly], and unbelieving, and the abominable [the vile], and murderers, and whoremongers [sexually immoral], and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
  • Gal. 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
  • 1Ths. 4:1-5 Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his [or her] own body [which includes control of drives, touching, seeking, lusting (even after images), promiscuity, etc.] in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; [Be master of your body and urges, not a slave to them.]
  • 1 John 2:26 These things have I written unto you concerning them that seduce you. ["These things I have written" includes lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes from 1 John 2:16. An example of "them that seduce you" includes they who demonstrate sexual sin, however innocuous it may seem, in and as entertainment which can "seduce" the viewer, can lead one astray by desensitizing one and emboldening him/her to believe sexually immoral deeds, thoughts and display are acceptable OR by eroding one's natural inhibition against sexually immoral deeds and thoughts. And anything in and as entertainment that draws the viewer's attention to the private parts, clothed or not, is sexual.]
  • Hebr. 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure [which includes before AND during marriage AND gender], for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. [Whether we believe it or not. Whether we like it or not. Whether we care or not.]
  • 1Cor. 6:9-10 Do you not know that the [unforgiven] wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
  • 1Cor. 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
  • Eph. 5:18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. ["Wine" can be any intoxicating substance including illegal drugs or abuse of prescription drugs. The issue is do not abuse the body by intoxicating it. Though it is not a sin to drink, it is a sin to get drunk OR to influence to get drunk or to drink in defiance such as underage drinking.
  • Rev. 22:14-15 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city [Heaven]. For without [outside Heaven] are dogs [dogs (animals) and metaphorically, a man of impure mind, an impudent man], and [unforgiven] sorcerers [pharmakos: pertaining to the magical arts; those who practice evil magic including witches, warlocks, wizards, sorcerers, spiritists, diviners, necromancers, etc.], and whoremongers [the sexually immoral], and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie [all liars - see Rev. 21:8].
  • 3 John 11 Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil [violent, immoral, debaucherous - all sin] but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. [Though this verse speaks to how one's deeds can be an indicator of whether s/he knows God, the focus is do not imitate evil. All too often, such as with Columbine, Paducah and other locations, onscreen evil is imitated ... fatally. Maybe not everyone who sees a car commercial buys the car, but some do ... because of the commercial.]

    ***Selected Scriptures of Armour against the influence of the entertainment industry***
  • Ps. 12:8 The wicked freely strut about [e.g., create progressively vile/offensive entertainment with impunity and no consequences and present it to younger and younger audiences every year] when what is vile is honored among men [when enough people continue to defend it, embrace it, pay for it, enjoy it, want it, submit to it. I call attention to Ps. 12:8 to warn of the creeping desensitizing power of "entertainment."]
  • Col. 2:8 Beware lest any man [by his influence] spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
  • 1 Cor. 15:33 Be not deceived: evil [kakov: of a bad nature, not such as it ought to be] communications corrupt good manners.
  • Rom. 5:19 For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.
  • Jude 1:4 For there are certain men* crept in unawares [secretly slipped in among us], who were before of old ordained to this condemnation [whose condemnation was written about long ago], ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness [a license for immorality], and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ. [*men: anthropos {anth'-ro-pos}, generic, a human being, whether male or female]
  • Matt. 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
  • Luke 17:2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. [Offend: skandalizo {skan-dal-id'-zo} - scandalize; to entice to sin; to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey; to cause to fall away.]
  • Ps. 119:133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me [let no sin rule over me].
  • John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
  • 1 Thess. 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. ["Evil" includes all things that are sinful.]


    As always, it is best to refer to the Findings/Scoring section -- the heart of the CAP analysis model -- for the most complete assessment possible of this movie.
    (The objective  heart of the CAP Analysis Model, independent of and insulated from the Summary / Commentary section.)

    EPIC MOVIE (2006) CAP Thermometers

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
  • slapstick violence, repeatedly
  • arm compound fracture gore
  • death by a falling body
  • people thrown out of a plane in flight
  • assault of varying degrees, repeatedly
  • kidnapping, four counts
  • bullet in flight piercing an eyeball
  • order to kill
  • attempted murder by gunfire, repeatedly, exceptionally cold and brutal
  • sword fight
  • blade impalement
  • firearm threat
  • fighting
  • many impalements
  • death by being rolled over
  • intent to practice cannibalism

    Impudence/Hate (I)
  • 43 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
  • two uses of the most foul of the foul words
  • threat t kill, repeatedly
  • eating manure humor
  • profanity is background song, repeatedly
  • urination, repeatedly
  • writing in snow with urine, repeatedly
  • euphemism of the most foul of the foul words
  • massive tattoo
  • flatulence, repeatedly

    Sexual Immorality (S)
  • adult in underwear
  • anatomical vulgarity, repeatedly
  • dressing to maximize the human form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
  • self touching
  • partial to full nudity, repeatedly
  • sexual innuendo, repeatedly
  • implication of bestiality, repeatedly
  • implication of oral sex, repeatedly
  • inappropriate touch, repeatedly
  • "gay" promotion/suggestion/innuendo, repeatedly
  • crotch hit, repeatedly
  • rude gaze
  • excess cleavage
  • finger sucking with "erection" of finger
  • lusting after female form
  • sadomasochism humor
  • "gay" kiss
  • much of the production repeated during rolling credits
  • talk of intercourse
  • body exudate humor
  • women as toys/ornaments
  • vulgar dance moves
  • "lesbian" kiss
  • crude humor, repeatedly
  • man and woman in bed for sex, repeatedly
  • after-intercourse images
  • anatomical innuendo
  • anatomical exaggeration, repeatedly
  • "I'll --- her anyway"

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):
  • booze, repeatedly
  • smoking
  • drinking, repeatedly
  • chugging
  • drunkenness, repeatedly

    Offense to God (O)
  • nine uses of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and two without
  • upside down Cross
  • magic to control others or do harm

    Murder/Suicide (M)
  • blade murder
  • remote images of murder
  • Note that in several cases the characters performed acts that would kill, such as firing point-blank into the chest of another, pin-cushioning a body with arrows and full impalement with blades without the character dying. These are incorporated into Wanton Violence/Crime (W) investigation area.

  • Christian Educators Association International



    There are some in the entertainment industry who maintain that 1) violent programming is harmless because no studies exist that prove a connection between violent entertainment and aggressive behavior in children, and 2) young people know that television, movies, and video games are simply fantasy. Unfortunately, they are wrong on both accounts." And "Viewing violence may lead to real life violence." I applaud these associations for fortifying 1 Cor. 15:33. Read the rest of the story. From our more than eight years of study, I contend that other aberrant behaviors, attitudes, and expressions can be inserted in place of "violence" in that statement. Our Director - Child Psychology Support, a licensed psychologist and certified school psychologist concurs. For example, "Viewing arrogance against fair authority may lead to your kids defying you in real life." Or "Viewing sex may lead to sex in real life." Likewise and especially with impudence, hate and foul language. I further contend that any positive behavior can be inserted in place of "violence" with the same chance or likelihood of being a behavior template for the observer; of being incorporated into the behavior mechanics and/or coping skills of the observer. In choosing your entertainment, please consider carefully the "rest of the story" and our findings.

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